Dispair

This is from April 2008



Have you ever had a conversation with your self that lead to a deep despair? Have you ever been sitting in a room crowded with your friends and felt so alone your heart could bust? Have you been to this deep dark pit of self doubt and fear?
Everyone thinks that life should be this easy thing that living just for the purpose of living should be great but I am here to tell you that life is not some easy thing. No simple walk down easy street, no kiss and he says he loves you. Life is messy and ugly it is filled with anger and violence, with danger and fear, with self-doubt and hatred. Can you feel those things creeping up on you no matter how hard you work to stuff those horrible emotions back into there cage, no matter how hard they bite and kick and scream to be free?
Could you imagine a world were everyone simply did as there minds suggested? And I wonder how many of you think that those things about life are bad for some of us it is the only way we can feel alive. Some of us are like cardboard houses held together by tape and twine. My tape and twine is anger and regret, hopelessness and violence they hold my house together and sometimes its the only reason I get up in the morning. Not this glib belief that GOD will make my life better ha ha that’s funny who's the judge of my life being better you, me, some messed up kid on the street. There is no judge because life is the mess that you make of it and no one can make it better for you but you.
Well now that I have ranted and raved maybe I will not kill some random stranger just for breathing.