The Chimp

I had no idea how to answer Rachel’s question it just seemed so preposterous.
“Jim and I have to go to Vancouver for the weekend can you babysit Buster?” Buster the 9 month chimp they had brought home from their last trip to Africa. They said they had found him just sitting on the trail next to his dead mother wailing like a lost child and Rachel just melted. It probably didn’t help that she was suffering from Empty Nest syndrome either. So here it is a time to be brave.
“Okay but I need all the information to contact you if anything goes wrong”
“Oh Sara this is so great thanks so much you saved my marriage, Jim said if I didn’t make this trip he was filing for divorce and you’re the 5th person I called.”
Oh god what have I gotten myself into I thought as Rachel rattled on about Buster's feeding schedule.
“Oh Rach, I gotta go the baby is crying just make sure that you write everything down for me. I think I can handle it.” I dashed off the phone as fast as I could. Okay Henry I am coming I called out as I paraded through our 50,000 square foot home thinking I had done pretty well for myself considering I had been born to a crack addict and left in the garbage can at birth, a throw away the papers had called me well look at me now.
My husband is CEO of one of the biggest importer/exporters in the US; my three boys were popular and athletic at their exclusive prep school not bad for a ward of the state raised in Cabrini Green. These thoughts all raced through my mind as I walked to Henry’s suite if I can survive that beginning then I can survive a monkey for a weekend, those were the last sane thoughts I had concerning the monkey.
The rest of the week moved at its regular blurred pace and as Friday afternoon approached a sense of missing something stuck with me. The boys came home from school and the nanny began Henry’s scheduled Spanish lessons when the phone rang. “Oh Sara,” said Rachel and as I heard her voice the nagging feeling replaced it’s self with the knowledge of what I had missed. “Did you forget about Buster? The daycare just called and they need you to pick him up right away, the regular kids are coming and Buster isn’t allowed to be around them anymore.”
“Oh Rach, I did forget but I will send the nanny, oh wait, I guess I’ll pick him up myself. Sorry see you when you get back” I raced out of the house and drove the 3 blocks to the daycare to pick up Buster. The teacher seemed genuinely happy to see me and had all of Buster’s things packed and ready to go. “Make sure to remind Rachael that Buster cannot come back on Monday”, she told me as I loaded the car with Buster’s things and I wondered yet again what I had gotten myself into. Buster was surprisingly calm and docile on the exchange and ride home where I didn’t stop but picked up my two oldest boys, D’artagan and Liam.
As we took off so I could take the boys to the baseball fields for practice Buster seemed to wake up as Liam poked him in the arm. Buster’s screams where worse than anything I have ever heard. Even a colicky baby cannot compare to the screams that seemed to erupt from Buster’s throat. And the hand motions that followed were frenzied and scary. I pulled over as Liam began to cry and D’artagan laughed hysterically. I tried lulling Buster by singing as I pulled Liam slowly from the car. D’artagan in the chaos of the situation sat there as Buster began to pull the car seat apart while still seated in it.
“Dart,” I called softy “come on Dart get out of the car” but Dart just sat there watching the carnage. Buster pulled all the stuffing out of the seat and then began to pull his own clothing apart. Right past my head flew his little sailor shirt and hat, then his little shoes, Thank God they were the soft-soled kind. I was franticly trying to get Dart’s attention without causing Buster to notice my hand and head motions. Finally he turned to look at me with a wide-eyed grimace on his face.
“Dart,” I whispered, “open the hatch and slide out the back door as quietly as you can.” At this point Buster discovered his baby bag sitting right beside him. As I quickly closed the side panel on the minivan the thunderous crash of baby food jars slamming into the glass was heard three blocks away. The cops appeared to me as if by magic as I stood dumfounded by the innate stupidity of the human condition. Here I was a soccor mom/upper class housewife with this insane belief that I could care for a wild animal as if I were babysitting my neighbor’s child.

The End